Know Before Whom You Stand
As he lay dying, R. Eliezer taught his students the path of life which leads to eternity – ‘when you pray, know before whom you stand[1].’
How can I walk such a path? If I must know Gd before I pray, I’ll never start. If I am to know Gd through prayer, where do I begin? Everything I’ve known that I shouldn’t have, everything I don’t know but should flashes through my mind. Know? I? How do I know anything? Who am I?
The Rambam[2] says in order to pray, I must clear the heart of thoughts and fill it with Gd. Awesome. And terrifying. Reb Chaim HaLevi[3] explains that awareness of standing before Gd in prayer is not an aspiration, it’s a requirement. It is the act itself (עצם מעשה תפילה). If Gd is not real, if Gd is not present before me, I am not praying[4].
Why would R. Eliezer give me such guidance? Is Reb Chaim telling me I’ve never really prayed? The power of high expectations is infinite, but the danger of the unachievable is real as well. If I break on the rocks of lofty vision, have I realized my goal?
The Rama[5] tells me – the first step on the path of life is ‘I have placed Gd before me continually.’[6] From the moment I wake up until I sleep in my grave. As I eat, work and pray. I must constantly locate Gd, and myself. I must triangulate on the high points of experience and cut across the contours of my soul. If I know where I stand, I am closer to Gd.
To be in the Presence I must know before whom I stand[7]. Before questions of identity. Before awareness of imperfection. Before any Name. This is the path that I can follow to eternity. Stripping away my particulars by the light of essence, I come close to that which precedes the question. And before there are questions, there is only knowing.
[1] See Gemarrah Berachot 28b that this was only one piece of his reply
[2] Hilchot Tefillah 4:16
[3] R. Chaim HaLevi on Hilchot Tefillah 4:1
[4] It is true that his absolutist stance might negate every tefillah that most of us have ever offered. But have no fear, we don’t paskin like him in this case J
[5] Rama OC 1:1
[6] Tehillim 16:8
[7] I am grateful to Rav Daniel Kohn for revealing to me this way of reading the statement
